Now that I'm at 17 weeks and the first trimester is far behind me, I finally have energy again! I had seriously forgotten what it feels like to actually stay up past 10 p.m., and have the umph to do normal, human things. I have finally been able to clean our place again, organize closets that had been sitting in heaps since we moved in December (sorry to anyone who came over the last 3 months), put on heels (I wore heels to work today and realized that, other than Sundays, it was the first time I'd worn them to work since...well, December. The best way I can describe it is that moment when you're 16 and want to go to the mall, and then all the sudden realize that you can just jump in the car and go, anytime you want, because you have your driver's license now. But for the longest time, you had to ask for someone to take you, or supervise you driving, that you now have to pinch yourself and remember you have the ability! That's how I feel. Like I open a drawer and think, I wish this were organized, and then remember, I can organize it! I am not throwing up my latest meal or falling asleep in my dinner! And while organizing drawers doesn't seem exciting, ooooh, believe me, it is.
Along with energy, I've been able to put more planning into the nursery! We went to IKEA this past weekend (while I reveled in what I like to call the 'energy' of the place, Zac called it chaos) we found cheap white frames for the art prints I ordered, and finally put together the steal-of-a-deal crib I found on amazon!
The second trimester does have its own hurdles, though. Like the fact that no sleeping position is comfortable, I have the appetite of a zoo animal (we ordered a large pizza the other day while watching the Bachelor and all the sudden Zac started laughing because I had inhaled HALF OF A LARGE PIZZA. Omg you guys...). I feel like that one time freshman year where I went on what I coined, 'the pop tart diet' in which I ate pop tarts out of the freshman hall vending machine for every meal and packed on the pounds...it's this awful feeling where you know you need to eat, you're hungry all the time, and you can feel your waistband thicken. And no, I'm not just eating whatever I want or poptarts all the time...but to satisfy this appetite it feels like that.
Along with the second trimester comes this sort of odd, I'm-standing-at-a-precipice-my-whole-life-is-about-to-change feeling. Setting up the crib, realizing the next time we do this or that she will be here....it is exciting and alarming all at once. We talk about how we can't wait to lay her on the floor and play with her...I wonder will she have Zac's nose or mine...and then I go into a freeze-panic state when I think about still giving Zac everything he needs and having our relationship continue to grow while we are adding a little person into the equation. But along with all these worries, I can't wait for her to be here. Whenever I'd talk to my pregnant friends before, they'd show me the latest baby item they bought, or as they approached labor how excited they were, and I'd think...really? You're excited for the pain and the diapers and the this or that? But now I get it. This little baby is me and Zac mixed together, with her own little personality, and I can't wait to be with her. While I can't say I'm like some that are tripping out over outfits or reading every pregnancy book on the block (I haven't read any...I'm a webmd kind of girl), I am so excited for Zac and I to be with her.